and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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