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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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