I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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