I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
