I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
