So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
