Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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