i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
