Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hippo gnu deer
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
