I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
