i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
