apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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