gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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