Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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