Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
