You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
