I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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