I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
