Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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