if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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