I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
