btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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