sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
