His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
