Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize