I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
