You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
