i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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