Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
