I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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