you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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