I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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