just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
