No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Can Purell be used as lube?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
