I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize