hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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