Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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