Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
