I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
