never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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