I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
and you fell through a lawn chair
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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