i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
