im about as happy as oj after his trial
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
