I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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