She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
