Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
