Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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