We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
