Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
