So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
