My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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