guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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