I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
