Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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