Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
