i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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