he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
