Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
