omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
