Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
