Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
