I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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