when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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