Just fell off a train. Bad.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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