Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
