Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
