I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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