mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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