I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
