I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
