I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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