i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
