I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
