Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
