69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
