I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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