Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
