that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
