you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My ass is underappreciated
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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