can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
