Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
