He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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