Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
