my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
