He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
