You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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